Paid time off

So the government is back up, or whatever?  I don’t know if it really makes a big difference. All I do know is that all the Senators took two weeks off, lots of people lost money or paychecks, but the Senators don’t have to worry about anything because they will still get paid.  There is an inherent problem with the political system in the country, and we are finally starting to see it break down.  In my humble and not so educated opinion, comes down to two things.

The average income in the United States is $47,000 a year.  The average salary for a United States Senator is $147,000 a year, not including the free paid vacation they just got, or all the other fringe benefits and tax write offs.  What this does is immediately sent the Senators apart from the everyday common man. They are paid at a level that puts them out of touch with the very people they are supposed to be representing. Why are they trusted to vote on issues that would pertain to the citizens, when they are held about those citizens?

Also, most Senators are lifelong politicians.  The reason democracy worked when our founding fathers started this country, is because they were truly politicians for the people.  They were merchants, businessmen, lawyers long before they built this country, and they maintained those jobs while they were in office. When they weren’t voting on taxes, or who’s face to put on a coin, they were out there with the common man.  They’re economic policies had a direct effect on their pocket books, so they made the smart choice. Most politicians now are just that, career politicians. It’s their only source of income, so they become more worried about keeping their seat then doing what is right. The PAC‘s and the lobbyist become more important.  Of course, the easiest way to overcome this would simply be to vote these people out of office, but considering less than half the eligible voters in this country actually go to the polls on Election Day, that is not going to happen anytime soon.  

So I say we hit them where it hurts.  We remind these people who they really are to begin with, servants of the people, and we do that by lowering their annual average salary.  We bring them down to a level that will keep them in a mindset congruent to that of the common man.   By lowering the pay scale we eliminate the desire of privileged rich career politicians, and we open up some seating for people that actually want to serve their country, people more desired to give then to take. We keep them closer to the people that they supposed be representing and weforce them to consider holding other jobs beside public office to supplement their income.  We remind them that this job is a service to the people, and not the Senators retirement fund.

And to anyone who thinks that this will open up the Senate to people less “educated” or politically savvy enough to do the job, I would like to remind you of the idiots we have in there already.  

Chuck Winder (R-ID): ”I would hope that when a woman goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape. I assume that’s part of the counseling that goes on.” - March 2012

Rick Santorum: “I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you… rape victims should make the best of a bad situation.” - January, 2012

Mitt Romney: “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” – January 2012

Mitt Romney: “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there.” — January 2012

Roger Rivard (R-WI):  ”Some girls rape easy.” – October 2012

Mitt Romney: “I went to a number of women’s groups and said ‘Can you help us find folks?’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.” —October, 2012

Richard Mourdock (R-IN):”I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” – October 2012

Todd Akin (R-MO): “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down” - mid 2012 Senate Campaign

Romney: “As president, I will create 12 million new jobs.” —Second presidential debate

Romney: “Government does not create jobs. Government does not create jobs.” — 45 minutes later (Oct. 16, 2012)

Open letter to the Obamacare Haters

Dear Crazy Ass Conservatives (aka. White Republicans),

​Obamacare is not the sign of the Apocalypse! I know you think it is because you have to do something that a Black man “says” you have to do (how does it feel?), but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  Week 2 of the Government shutdown and Obamacare, and everyone has officially lost their mind. There are conservatives claiming that this is the worst thing to every happen in the history of the United States.  So the fact that black people used to be bought and sold like property wasn’t that bad? Jim Crow Laws, Separate but Equal, World War II, those were all okay?  Clearly you’re completely ignored every history book in the history of history books. Those were just a “sign of the times”, right?  I know some people are trying to say that having to sign up for Obamacare is like the registration reference in the book of Revelations, but then WHAT THE F$%K WAS SOCIAL SECURITY?  That was the national registration system where everyone is given a number, and that shits been around for over 80 years. There was a woman claiming that she did “biblical research” on Obamacare and found some interesting things. Really, a 2000 year old book talks about free healthcare? How have you not been committed yet? Another group of people are claiming that the Supreme Court actually ruled it UNCONSTITUTIONAL, and that Obama passed it anyways.  Don’t’ you think if this was true, Scalia would have shit himself screaming so loud? He still believes in ghost.  He’s the most uptight conservative, waiting-to-repel-Roe-v-Wade-son-of-a-bitch on the bench. Don’t you think he would have said something?

It’s real simple, the people that are bitching the most about Obamacare are the ones that were making a ton of money off of insurance claims when it was in the hands of private companies, or it’s the people that have never been turned down or denied medical coverage because of wealth, or a pre-existing condition. You want to bitch and complain and say that people that don’t work are getting free health care, but what about the people that do work, but still can’t afford it.  My wife has a genetic mutation in the BRCA1 gene, which means she’s almost guaranteed to get breast cancer in her life.  Considering every woman in her family, aside from one sister, has already had it, we know it is coming.  This can be considered a pre-existing condition under certain medical plans and life insurance policies. Under the Obama plan, it cannot (I’ve checked). Because of this I say “F*&K it, let’s ride this bitch out”. I don’t care who’s getting my money, as long as I know she can get the treatment she needs when the time comes.  And before you naysayers come back saying she won’t, or there are loopholes, figure out exactly where it says that in the plan, and show it to me.  You can generalize all you want, but without facts, it’s kind of like going to war without any proof.  Oh wait, you’ve done that one before, but it still wasn’t the sign of the Apocalypse, or the end of our government.

Thanks

Richard Estrada 

Rich idiots

It may be a good thing that I haven't churned out a successful comedy career yet. I want to be successful. I want to carve out a good life for my children with the sweat of my brow and the strength of my back. I want to do what is necessary to insure that my kids have a better life than the ones my parents gave me, which was no doubt better than the one they had. My parents worked their ass off to make me and my brother happy, and I want the same for my children. The only problem with that is what I’ve learned over the last couple of weeks; rich kids are stupid!!

Now over the last couple of years we’ve seen the occasional rich quasi-whore pop up, like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. Clearly being rich and hot means you can slut it up and say stupid shit and people will still buy your perfume. Lately the amount of privilege stupidity has skyrocketed, though. Just take a look at Jaden Smith's retarded tweets. And I mean "retard" in the way that would piss Sarah Palin off. Will Smith went from the bottom to the top. He busted his ass with DJ Jazzy Jeff and turned himself into a multi-millionaire producer, rapper, and actor. He's put in a lot of hard work, so the occasional” WTF?”comment from him would be understandable. I mean, all that hard work and stress to make something of yourself could play on the brain from time to time. You could have a slip every now and again. Tom Cruise is still making movies after his crazy outbreaks. Jaden on the other hand, has no excuse. He's had itgood from the get-go. Sure his parents took him out of an incredibly expensive private school to home school him, it still doesn't give him an excuse to lose it on twitter. If babies could talk they would be the most intelligent beings? What does that mean? Gandhi was smart and he didn't shit his pants. And he could have, he was still wearing a diaper.

Or what about Paul Attanasio's entitled bratty kid. The video of him claiming to be behind the wheel of a $1 Million dollarCamaro is hilarious. He chastises someone for being poorer than him, and brags about only being 15 while driving, when clearly he's never worked a day in his life. His father's money gives him a right to be an asshole?

Life’s supposed to be easier when you’re rich. If you're poor, and you don't know something, or spout off stupid shit, you at least have a small excuse. You didn't have a great education laid out in front of you. You can overcome your parent's socio-economic status and make get a good education, but it's going to take some work. Rich kids have no excuse though. I know that in order to be incredibly successful you have to make sacrifices.One of those is working long hours and not being there for your family. But at what point should you step back and place more attention on them. Just because your parents are busy making millions doesn't mean you should act like an asshole. Evidentlyall us poor people are using that time not working to raise our kids properly. Here's an idea, how about you move from a $1.5 Million dollar home to a $1.2 Million dollar home, and use that extra time teaching your son not to be a prick.

Miss Ameri-what?

We are breeding an entirely new group of racist idiots in this country.  Last night we had the lovely Miss America patent, the dream of every little white girl in America. The funny thing was, a little white girl didn't win it. An Indian-American girl named Nina Davuluri won it. Now, she was born in Syracuse, but she might as well have been born in Afghanistan. Racist comments about Miss America being a terrorist were all over Twitter last night, even though India has nothing to do with our war on terror. People claimed it was outrageous that an Arab won, though India is not in the Middle East. There lies the problem. 

Look white people, if you're going to be racist, at least be smart about it. She's Indian, not an Arab. You could have gone with sand nigger, camel jockey, Abu, Kumar, any of those. Arab and terrorist are not even close, even by idiot redneck standards.  And just because she's dark doesn't mean she's a terrorist. I know Mexicans that are darker than her, but I bet you're not scared of them blowing up your shrubs or planting a bomb in your baby carriage while they walk your kids. Not all brown people are terrorist.  

It's insulting to brown people when you don't know where their country is and what stereotypes they are affiliated with. White people get pissed if we don't know what side of the Mason-Dixon Line their state is on, but you can't figure out an entire country? 

If you haven't figured out by now, with the election of a Black President, that your white washer reign is over, you need to get a clue. We're definitely a melting pot now. Ms. Davuluri is the epitome of Ms. America.  The fact that she would participate in a competition that objectifies women and reinforces the self-esteem crushing stereotypes American teenagers kill themselves for everyday, only to help bolster our consumer driven economy should prove that she's more American than 90% of the people pissed that she won. There will be more American born Indian girls buying trendy clothes and starving themselves while listening to Lady Gaga more than ever now, which is job security since half you racist f#%ks work the checkout line at Wal-Mart anyways.  

The only thing worse than a racist is a dumb racist. I'm okay with you calling me a wetback if you can at least take a geography class, and maybe learn about evolution. Baby steps, people! Baby steps. P

An open letter all fans of stand-up. ( or my thoughts on Dave Chappelle)

Dear fans of comedy (and all people that buy tickets to come and watch the show), allow me to star off by saying thank you. We comedians appreciate your business so much. It is because of you that we love what we do. That magical moment where we deliver a punch line and you release some laugher is our cocaine, and we love it. (Some actually love cocaine too.)

That being said, when you buy tickets to watch a show and your all-time favorite comedian is coming one stage, how about shutting the fuck up!  Not all the time. Feel free to laugh, or if he asks a question, pipe up and give an answer. Feel free to participate, and be helpful.  What he doesn't need, is you telling him what to do, or yelling out your favorite bit. 

Here why. For every minute of comedy that you watch, he's spent hours working on that bit. He's been on stage hundreds of times trying to find out what will make you laugh. He has a better idea than you as to what is funny.  You taking over the show, screaming out what you want to hear is a nice way of saying his last 6 months of work don't mean dick. 

That's why Dave Chappelle got pissed. It's not that he couldn't handle it, or that he's not funny anymore. He's plenty of funny. You just didn't shut up long enough to hear. He's not a DJ. He's not taking request. If you want to see Rick James impressions, go watch reruns of the Chappelle show. Why would you pay $30 for a ticket to hear shit you've already heard before? Let him get out the new stuff. New comedy is like new pussy (or whatever the heterosexual female equivalent is). It’s exciting. It's uncharted territory.  It might surprise you. Who's going to know better, the professional who's been working on it for six months, or some dick who gets high and watches a lot of Comedy Central?  When its 3rd and 9 on the Patriots 30 does Bill Belichick take his headphones off, look at the crowd and go "What do you guys think I should do?" No! He's Bill! He's knows. Shut up and enjoy the show. If Bill Cosby got on stage and everyone yelled out "Do Cliff Huxtable” for 20 minutes, he would probably tell you to fuck off also.  We're trying to give you a unique experience and you're acting like an ex-girlfriend bringing up old shit. That why Dave walked off.

If it was one or 2 people heckling, then he probably could have handled it. But when 20 people are screaming and being assholes, what is he to do? He may have a microphone, but it’s still 1 person against 20, and being an asshole somehow helps to amplify the voice. It's hard to overcome those numbers.

He didn't need your help when he wrote "Killing Them Softly", he didn't need your help on the Chappelle show, and he doesn't need it now. Sit back and enjoy the new pussy. 

And if you're still yelling "I'm Rick James, Bitch", then castrate yourself. We don't need that seed spreading.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

 By that, I mean the crazy little globe that use to spin around on the MTV commercials. I was born in 1979, was a child of the 80’s, and a teenager of the 90’s.  I’m part the last generation and genuinely remember the good ol’ days.  I remember Hanna-Barbera cartoons. I remember roller rinks. I remember plastic prizes spray painted and assembled in China inside my cereal waiting to be discovered. I remember MTV playing music.

MTV has moved on since then, replacing music videos with reality TV and immature comedy shows about teenagers with huge junk. It’s basically one long running sexual joke with commercials. But when is it going to grow up?  If Sunday night’s VMA’s weren’t proof that the entire MTV network has jump the shark, then nothing is. (I was surprised that Will Smith was shocked, though, considering he did that awkward scene is Six Degree’s with the dude running around naked.) So when do we finally get tired of the show? When do we stop buying the shock rock cookie cutter crap?  There’s absolutely nothing original about that entire program, yet Miley’s twerking was all over the news yesterday. She’s clearly overcompensating for the fact that she’s a mediocre singer at best. There’s a reason why Adele can sit in the middle of stage by herself with a single spotlight and put on just as good of a performance.  She can actually sing. Cyrus and Minaj need the lights and the smoke and sex to distract from the fact that they can’t sing. Which is why MTV needs it to, to distract from the fact that it’s completely past it’s prime.  MTV is an old soccer mom trying to whore it up and appear younger that it really is.  It’s out of touch and useless at this point.

 By the way, we’re probably going to be at war with Syria in about a week, but Miley’s ass is still top priority on the news.  What does that say about America?

 

Frisk Me

There was an important ruling over the “stop-and-frisk” law in New York last week.  If you are unfamiliar with it, it is a law that allows cops to stop, question, and frisk anyone that seems suspicious.  I’ll pause while all the people with high melanin counts stop and say “What the fu..”  A judge ruled that this law is unconstitutional, and basically allows for unlawful search and seizure, while people like conservative mouth piece Ann Coulter, and NY police commissioner Ray Kelly, actually think that it’s not racist, and is a good thing.

Ann Coulter, who I’m ironically attracted to, wrote an article after the hearing defending the law.  You can find a copy of it here.

http://triblive.com/opinion/featuredcommentary/4537912-74/black-giuliani-york#axzz2cQpG8kyq

She stated that liberals were not allowed to call the law “racist” considering how many young back lives it saved. Her logic is that every “hoodlum” found in a black neighborhood thru this act, was one less person that could hurt an innocent black person in that area.  True.  One less gun on the street is one less potential violent crime. Here’s where her logic is screwed (which is usually the case for a conservative spin doctor).

Numerous test done on the stops, including one by the NYCLU (I know Ann, damn liberals) consistently keep showing that a majority of the people stopped were Black and Hispanic.  From 2002 to 2012, on average, only 10.5 percent of the people stopped were white.  Of course the only people helped are Black and Hispanic; they were the only ones being stopped.  By Ann’s logic, if the NYPD only stopped and questioned white people for a solid year, then they could come back and report that only white people carry guns in NYC, and thousands of whites are saved a year by this program. When you’re only targeting minorities with this law, you can’t come back and brag about all the potential minority crimes that were stopped.  It’s like paying a hooker for sex, and then bragging to everyone that you got laid. This law was inherently flawed to begin with. It's a good thing it's being removed.

 

 You're more than welcome to racially profile and frisk me though, Ann.